MZWANDILE MATIWANA
Three Poems
Suicide Blues in Prison
(The HIV memories inside)
Still under a cloud of death
I thought as I lay
on my torn and lumpy mattress
infested with vermin
and insects –
enclosed in the icy tomb
7 x 11 width and breadth
I lost all the shape
And found the rope –
But I could not do it
I wanted it to be a secret
for the warden kept on watching me.
I wanted to write
my last chapter
and finish it smiling
But the watcher kept looking on
And the bomb in my blood ticked slowly.
The Last Swing
(To all the families and friends who lost their loved ones during the times of Capital punishment)
They weighed him
and measured his neck
took his pulse –
They brought a priest
to cajole him
into his last confessions
He was collared
and blind-folded
and waited
for the exact moment of death
The signal was given
And the lever pulled
He did not fight it
His arms fluttered violently –
And still
They took off the blindfold
the mouth was open
and the face pale
His eyes flared wide open
In a death stare –
He took his last swing.
To my sisters
Once I am dead
let no dogs have ball
with my flesh –
flesh of my flesh –
daughters of my mothers.
Once I am dead
urinate on your hands
and wash your faces
and cleanse off the curse
that has befallen the Amangarwane clan.
Once the sudden end arrives
go – hibernate with your mates
after you’ve placed me
where the river stops flowing.
Once the sudden end arrives
do not shed tears
and sing sad songs
(for these are in my biggest fears)
When you bid me farewell
let it be scribbled on the wall of history
and then scribes
and bards will chant my name forever
(though I existed carelessly).
When you bid me farewell
let it be innocently
implanted in the cells of MEMORY.