M. AYODELE HEATH

Things My Father Gave Me (Which I Never Asked For)

Life.  A backyard with a pitching mound. 
A split-finger fastball, a slider, a curve. 
How to break in a glove. When to slide headfirst. A family name to uphold. Open arms. 

Time. A Huffy bike. How to crack pecans. A sandbox. How to piss. How to be a rock. When to till the Earth. How to make a fist. When to fight. When to smile. How to trap a rabbit. How to catch a liar. How to play dumb. How to speak when White people are present. How to talk when White folk ain't. Prejudice. The difference between a flathead, a Phillips head, and a hard head. A roof over my head. Room to grow. 

How to shoot a free throw. When to call a foul. How to drive. A high-top fade. Marvin Gaye. Confidence. How to ask out a lady, how to let her be a womon. How to put out a brush fire. How to pump gas. A pimpstroll. How to use a level. How to keep your cool. When to be cool. Cool. 

How to mow the lawn, to hammer, to saw. How to change a tire, when to change the oil, how to handle change. How to smoke out wasps. Where to get good fish. Funk & Wagnalls. Skepticism. How to pick good watermelon. When to ask for help, when to give it. How to speak when you have something to add. How to listen when you don't. A love of brown. Talbotton. How to tie a tie. How to lead. How to follow. How to read the spread. When to swallow your pride. Quiet strength. How to raise a fence. How to use a knife as a pencil sharpener. When to shoot a gun. 

A Black hero. How to earn an honest dollar. A key. How to shake a man's hand. How to look him in the eye. How to tip. How to save. A day of rest. Humility. Sunday drives. A thirst to learn. A bookcase. Peace in the home. Muscadines. Nights to dream. Dreambooks. A reason to cry. Dark skin. Strong teeth. Full lips. A narrow frame. Forgiveness. The thickness of blood. A brother. How to care for elders, how to honour them. How to buy a suit. How to admit when you’re wrong. How to apologize before the funeral. How to love. How to always come Home.

The Falls
(Howick Falls, Kwazulu Natal)

Far beyond the polished metallic fence, disrupting the endless expanse of a green so green it burned the eyes, tons and tons of thunderous waters poured. & poured. & poured. Far off one could see in the mist, three Zulu women in bright headscarves at the waterfall's edge, tediously beating clothes against rocks, just footsteps from an astounding 30-storey death. 

Loitering to my left: a lone native child in school uniform - yellowed shirt untucked from his shorts, nose running, face the ruddy darkness of dust. My first instinct: Lock your heart, or he’ll hustle you for money. What, then, if more come? But when he opened his mouth, the black moons of his eyes swallowed me. My heart broke. 

IsiZulu or IsiNdebele or Sesotho or IsiXhosa or Tshivenda or Xitsonga Sepedi or Setswana? All I knew was that the falling syllables were not English, & unlike European tongues, in which I can often fish some semblance of meaning from webs in sound, here, an American in Zululand, my net returned without so much as bones. 

My mouth turned to stone as I heard his tongue click, watched his lips move. Sawubona was what my skin had said to him, but which my vocal tones could not. As the waters rushed, the women laundering shirts defying the sunset, here stood a poet who could offer Nothing to the boy - not even words, not even tears. 

On a Fieldtrip to the Jim Crow Museum, Kenya Learns (the Meaning of No)

                                           Here’s an oak gavel
No Negro ever swung. Over here, a 1st base
no Nigra ever reached. Here, a stethoscope
to never touch a Negro chest. And here, a pine pulpit
Where no Nigger has ever preached.

                                         Here’s a ballot box
to never hold a Negro vote. Here, a lunch counter
where no Negro was ever fed. Here is a frontdoor
no Coon ever crossed. And here, graveyard soil
that never buried no nigger dead.

                                          Here is a swearing Bible
no Darkie ever used. Here is a ticket window
no Tarbaby ever used. Here, a Coca-Cola machine
no Sambo ever used. And here, a whole half of a bus
no Nigger will ever use!

                                          Here is a drinking fountain
to never wet no Niggerlips. Here, a spotless toilet
Where no nigger ever shit. And locked here, dear,
a textbook no Nigger has ever read, filled with a knowledge

No Nigger will ever get.